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                                             Regret

          A woman told me when I was eight......

                          Don't regret anything you’ve ever done, 

                          and don’t do anything you’ll regret.

      Amazing wisdom. Most of my regrets are for what I didn’t do, perhaps I took the advice too far. I regret opportunities I didn’t take, people I didn’t connect with, roads I did not travel.        

       Often people use the word regret to mean that they should not have done something. I mostly mean I should have done something.

      Yes,  I have done regrettable things, but most of them were small and often repairable. But there are words I regret not saying, there are things I regret not doing. And most of those regrets are not repairable.

        Yes, there are some big things I regret doing, but the experiences and occurrences that resulted from them, that cascaded from them, most of those results I don’t regret. 

           In thinking about this, my biggest regrets are parental. 

But I like how the kids turned out. 

These are certainly not my biggest regrets, but here are some that nag. 

These sound loud…..

        A summer or two ago we went to the Hollywood Bowl and there was a woman, probably about 40 years old, who was laboriously going up the steps walking on two canes. I have ever since regretted that I didn’t help her.

        My cousin Alex called me and asked if he could come visit. He often did this when he was having troubled times. However, this was the week when Sarah had major surgery and I selfishly thought that I would not be able to handle both taking care of Sarah, and taking care of Alex. Unfortunately, my troubled cousin Alex soon died in an accident that was a result of his troubles. I feel deeply guilty and regret that I did not welcome him when he asked.

     I feel deep guilt that I did not protect my little brother from my mom’s manipulation and cruelty.

.

    I carelessly messed up a VHS tape with Noah’s animation, and misplaced another with cool things. I messed up some digital pictures of the kids.

    We were somewhere in upstate New York with our friends Nelle & Ben. At dinner there was a guy on piano singing Dan Hicks songs. I have regretted ever since that I did not go up and sing back-up with him.

    We attended my brother Mario’s in-laws renewing their marriage vows. The preacher droned on and on, ignoring the fact that two elderly people were getting tired, standing there in front of him. I regret that I did not go on stage and bring them chairs. But their daughter did.

         We were at a mall and needed to go down the escalator. There was an older woman, about my age, who was petrified, not being able to go use the escalator. I went around her. I should have held her steady while she stepped on.

         I should have listened to Clark Olliff’s pain.

         I regret ignoring red flags.

       I regret that I failed to sympathize with needs in others that I did not feel.

            “Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention.”